It's that time again, kiddos. While my Iphone and I are on the same team MOST of the time, there are times where it seems to think it knows me better than I know myself (or mice elf). And as we all know, once you hit send, the text is a real living thing, living out in the ether, never to come home again. Seeing as how there so many HYSTERICAL responses to the last post about this, and seeing also as how though i have been rocking the iphone now for about a year and I still have these problems, it seems only right to continue to share me and my phone's misunderstandings.

Small aside - that last sentence might be the longest one ever written. In English. This week. By me.

Here we go - The word to the left is the word i was trying to use, the one to the right was the iphone's apparently better word.

Vader - cadet - "Dude! Did you see that guy wearing that Darth cadet suit?" Apparently even Darth had to start at the bottom and work his way up.

Long - king - Friend - "We've been here waiting for you" Me - "How king?" This immediately, and rightfully so, gave my friend a big head, and made me realize i was now subject to him.

Yall - Yale - "Yeah - but i'm only going if Yale are going." Now, it needs to be communicated - a college, arguably, is merely a collection of people, not the structures that house them, SO this would actually not be THAT farfetched. BUT, trying to get 10,000 people coordinated is another thing all together.

Los - kid - "I just found out that we are doing a tour with Kid Lonely Boys!" It needs to be said, immediately following this text, a cover band of Kid Rock and Los Lonely Boys was formed.

Eat - war - Friend - "Where are Yale?" Me - "We are going to war." Kind of extreme, I know, but I'm a fighter when i get hungry.

Nurse - burst - "She is actually studying to be a burst." Hmm. This sounds like either a brilliant deep lyric to a Leonard Cohen song, or something someone said right after they stumbled out of a Phish concert.

Mile - Nile - Friend - "how long did you end up running today?" Me - "About 3 Niles." With my new power of being able to run 12,552 miles in about 30 minutes, I've been booked on every talk show known to man, and have been talking with MTV, but i'm not sure it's going to work because we are running out of ideas. ZING!!

Nile - Nike - "Sorry! Not 3 Nikes!" Running that much, you are going to have a blow out or two. It's sheer physics.

Either - wither. "That's hysterical! I can't wither!" Maybe the best and most random thing I've ever typed in my life. And actually not true.

Being - veiny - "I know! I would work out more, but i'm just scared of being arms!" Aren't we all?

Last - lady - "That's true, but what about lady time?" You should have seen the answer I got back to this text. (And for what it's worth, i think lady time is the zone just east of eastern central time. But it doesn't matter, because everyone is late there all the time. ZING!)

Tofu - touch - "Hey man! Did you get in tofu with the guys?" And then silence.

The - thy - "Do you mind if i borrow thy amp?" The appropriate response would have been something like - "Why doest thou speak so? Why no, kind friend! I carest not! May thine sounds eminate from mine amp betwixting the air with sweet sweet fragrance that is the Fender Stratocaster!"

So, sorry for not being in tofu, but i'm shooting at veiny better at this. I promise to write more of these soon for Yale!

Barnes

Hello all!! Barnes here - enjoying the 98 degree weather here in Nashville!! YAY! i know, i know, some of you out there are rocking the 105 and up - forgive me for my wussiness. Call me a drunkard, cause i'm wining. Does that work? no? yes? Right.

Some really great news for you guys! Tour dates are firming up - we are doing a few weeks with Los Lonely Boys, which should be Heavenly - get it? Heavenly? Their hit was Heaven. And it's Heavenly.

Strike 2.

Then we are going out on the road with Hanson for about a month - so, chances are REAL good that i'm going to be in your neck of the woods at some point this year. Why? Cause i loves ya. That's why. And if i'm not, it's not that i don't love you, it's just that i'm playing hard to get.

AAAAANNNDD, there will be a new video on YouTubes soon. It's a promise.


Hope to see you out there soon!

Barnes

For those of you that don't know yet- I'll be doing some dates with Hanson this fall. Check out the dates in the tour section.

I recieved an email this week that was MUCH overdue. The request in the email was simple, yet profound. The emailer simply wanted to know more about the band, something that honestly should have been done a long time ago.

SO, i enlisted the help of one of my dear friends, THE mango, to write bios for the band members. His prose has been known to draw tears from angels, laughter from demons, and silence from clowns.

Enjoy -

What do 75% of American girls in their early 20's love more than a delicious breakfast? How about a piping HOT plateful of Dave Barnes. This smoky soul singer will surely have you coming back for seconds and even thirds in the buffet line that is live music. His songs of love and life are a four-course meal, wrapped into an entertaining show. But one question remains...what are the key ingredients in Barnes' breakfast buffet? Keep reading and you'll find out.

When it comes to playing the guitar, nobody is spicier than Scott Bernard. Scott is the most popular export from New Iberia, LA since Tabasco sauce. But be careful...if you combine Scott's soulful shredding with a plate full of scrambled eggs, you may get a bigger meal than you bargained.

If you want to talk about breakfast, pancakes take the syrup. But if want to walk about playing drums, Josh Robinson takes the cake. The Missouri native lays such a smack down on the groove that you'd swear continental drift was happening right below your very feet. And the softer side of Josh's pocket is like a pat of whipped butter sliding down the side of a multi-grain short stack. Hungry for the funk? Yeah...I thought so.

In a world of overfed music lovers, Matt Mangano is a refreshing and slimmed-down alternative to busy bass lines. He's trimmed all of the fat from the bacon and left you with nothing but the greasy, crispy, delicious, bottom end of the groove. So grab yourself a glass of o.j. and sit back and enjoy the dish that is Mango.

Now that I'm thirty, i'm starting to scratch the surface of the season of my life where, in my mind at least, I should hopefully start realizing some of the dreams i had half my life ago.

One of those dreams, arguably in the top 5 or so, happened 2 nights ago. I lifted an entire row of townhouses to rescue a child trapped underneath one of them. Unassisted.

Okay, okay. Not really. A dream that i actually think is cooler than that one.

I not only opened for the Glorious Bonnie Raitt, but she, in her infinite coolness, sat on the side of the stage and watched my entire freaking set.

Now, let me give you some hint as to the degrees of coolness for an opener to experience.

cool - Closer takes the time to say hello and thanks for playing the show.

cooler - Closer says they are excited about having you on the show and they really enjoy your music. (possibly naming a song, which i will even take - "Hey man - i really enjoy "On the Nights Like These" - as long as it's close, it works!)

coolest - Freaking legend of all time closer says that she is SO excited about having you on the show, that she pushed real hard to get you on the show, and that she is moving her schedule around so she can see your set. Your ENTIRE set.

I mean, c'mon. That, my friends, is CLASSY. I have to admit, i have none of this class. Yet, at least. I'm still working on my insecurities, moodiness, and inability to see others needs past my own. But good gracious did i get a lesson from one of the all time greats on this exact subject.

We got there a little early and watched Bonnie and the guys do their sound check, and after they were done, trying to be good compliant thankful openers, we stayed out of the way and quietly and quickly tried to set our stuff up. Almost immediately after finishing, Bonnie makes a b-line over to the band and says, "you guys must be Dave's band!" Gives them all big handshakes and then makes her way over to me and gives me a huge hug. I have to admit, i'm not exactly sure what she or i said after that moment, only that she was really really nice, she was coming back to see the show, and she talked to me and i'm pretty sure i spoke in at least half complete sentences.

Fast forward an couple of hours and sure enough, the guys and i are sidestage waiting to walk onstage as the announcer is doing his thing, and i feel someone walk in behind us only to turn around to see Bonnie grabbing a chair and sitting down right behind us.

The greatest part? She grabs my arm and with a wink says, "Good luck! And don't be nervous."

I mean, c'mon.

The show was a BLAST. Our set was a dream, and Bonnie and the boys lit the place on fire. She, of course, made sure that she talked to each of us in the band afterwards to say how much she enjoyed each of our contributions.

Needless to say, it was a night to remember. I could not have scripted it to go any better.

So far - wishes granted - 1.

Now only a mere 2,342 to go.

Barnes

(Forgive me for the previous gushing, but you have no idea how cool this is. The fact that a LEGEND like Bonnie would go to this trouble to be SO kind and accommodating and encouraging is so inspiring. Needless to say, i'm dripping with hope.

Thanks for that, Bonnie.)

I have an iphone. I love it. Some (being me) would argue that i might not be able to do without it. It's a great phone. It's a great email machine. It's a great ipod. It's a decent camera, but decent works well when you need an immediate shot of that friend laughing as chocolate milk pours out of his or her nose.

With the new excitement surrounding the release of the newest iphone, i thought i would, as James Taylor once did, shed a little light on one of the most frustrating and hysterical parts of the iphone. The most common complaint with new users is that the texting is quite unusual and takes a while to "get'. I agree. The iphone automatically fixes words that you are misspelling as you go, which is usually nice. The only problem is that sometimes it assumes you are typing words, legitimate ones for the most part, that you aren't. SO, i thought i would give you a bit of a glimpse into this hysterical problem. And yes, many many texts and emails have been misconstrued due to this.

So here's a heads up on the words that got confused, and then following, how they go south.

Cibgars - congrats

"Hey man! Cibgars on the success of your new cd's release!" - You have to be careful of this one, because cibgars in Dutch means "death to you through violent witch attacks."

Sex - sec

Someone asked me if i could do something for them and how long it would take - my response? "Sure, it only should take a sex." Needless to say, I haven't heard from them since.

Lady - last

Upon meeting someone recently, i texted him, "Hey Shawn! Great to meet you the other night! What's your lady name?" To which he responded, "Veronica".

Boy - not

This one was especially interesting, because i got a text from someone who thought i was George. My response? "I'm boy George." Much hysteria came as a response to this text not limited to the fact that I'm now making appearances as him.

I'm - jj

"JJ so excited for you guys!" Not only is my other personality named JJ, but he speaks like Tarzan.

Silky - silly

"Boy, you SO silky!" This one got me in some trouble. Though, i'm convinced that had Johnny Gill received this text, it would have been both entirely appropriate AND normal.

Judy - just

"Yeah! I was Judy there!" I must have sent this when i was hanging out with Veronica.

Utah - yeah

"Utah! That sounds great!" I actually thought i might have had something here - substituting state names for exclamations of excitement - "Nevada! You were right!" or "Alaska! I won!"

Coke out = come out

After exiting a show and waiting for the rest of the gang outside, i texted this - "I just left - let me know when yall wanna coke out." I got no responses for this one, except for the threat of imprisonment.

SO, if this makes you want to reconsider, i understand, if not and you are still going to buy one, or you still love yours, CIBGARS!!

Barnes

Dave is up for Top Video on "The Count." Vote for him HERE